Empower U - Adventure Journal Entry #2

Good Evening Team 297- LIVE IT!

Let me see, ahh yes, I was slaying a few demons last time I was here.

Saturday began with some sharing about the previous evening's discoveries. Then it was out to start the day's processes.

The first process began and I once again was communicating well and directing my TEAMMATES towards success. Then it hit!

I found out that having a person, who I had hardly even gotten to know, trust me with their safety is at first not new to me. Being the Law Enforcement officer for over 17 years, I have had people trust me when I show up on a scene. This was different. I was not the "cop" there to create order out of disorder. I was there to communicate clearly and concisely to ensure the safety of my partner. I realized that without the urgency of an emergency situation to diffuse the issue, I could communicate in a manner that lead my partner to our objective safely. No sense of panic or immediacy, just plain speaking and taking care to be aware of potential pitfalls.

Next was my first battle with the "fear of failure". Some of the processes we encountered I had completed while at several SWAT Team competitions. Those were done, albeit not any better, with people I had worked with and trained with for several years. So the process was not the challenge. It was the inner battle that I found a much more determined foe.

Up until now, I loathed failure. I would create the situation where I was able to succeed. No real risk, just 70-80%, just "good 'nuff" to be better than the next person.

The first process began and I once again was communicating well and directing my TEAMMATES towards success. Then it hit! Like the proverbial "ton of bricks". One miscue on my part and what was surely a successful end to the process, ended in failure. All the internal dialogue started. Things from the previous night that I had faced and dealt with convincingly, now their big brothers showed up. Maybe no one but Georgine noticed, but there I was in the presence of a huge demon looking me dead square in the face laughing and taunting me. "I thought you were so good at this Michael!" "Where is the powerful, strong leader Mr. Paulus now?!" What was I to do?

Pick myself up, dust myself off, and hit it again, right? Well, let me tell you what. I had a mighty big pity party. Outwardly the signs are I got quiet, my head was down, and I physically removed myself from my TEAM. I was psychologically, taking my ball and going home. But where was I going? I am in Texas outside the quaint little town of Muenster, Texas. Not really a thriving metropolis! Up until now, I loathed failure. I would create the situation where I was able to succeed. No real risk, just 70-80%, just "good 'nuff" to be better than the next person. Now I faced my talk, how would I walk from here?

The saga continues...