What is this feeling so hard to place?
Not sure of the emotion….
It seems to change and constantly fluctuate.

Is it self-doubt or anger, some other?
It can be confusing, a moving target-
Some say never mind- others…Oh Brother.

Do I continue to sacrifice happiness for myself?
Two little life forms look up to me as father.
What kind of role model, when my ability to have joy, smaller than an elf?

Oh no, oh yes…I am ok or not?
It’s the right decision… or is it?
Why am I taking it, am I worth a shot?

The lie that I self-talked, oh what a sell.
Happiness for me…I can seek elsewhere.
Incongruent home-life…falling further and deeper into intimacy hell!

Life goes on and with others I did succeed
Victories…somewhat…maybe?
Myself…not a true win…Un-sprouted seed.

Back and Forth and side to side…
Feelings and emotions from the space between.
Life had become somewhat of a sedated ride.

For the right reason, or maybe it’s not,
One thing for sure I really do know.
Happiness is not present, when the soul is not hot.

These cascading feelings, I know not the name.
Self mutilation-some might construe-
Self-doubt, selfish and self-centered could be called the same.

Through all the options be sure to stay true,
Putting others first, so very noble-yes?
How will you help the children-when the pain has extinguished you?

A strong sturdy house- I am to be built.
How does it make tomorrow better…?
This uncertainty these feelings of guilt.