Sad… yes it can be but it doesn’t have to be...

I read your post and it really touched me.

I have to agree with you it is sad. It is sad that some people go through an incredible experience like Leadership Awakening and as soon as they get out of class, the class is out of them. I created Leadership Awakening as a "full bodied" experience. I want people to be "in" to the process, for it to be something they "lived" in class, so it is as real as possible. If we can get people into the "Now" moment and make the class less of a class, and more of real life… then the changes that they commit to in class will become real changes in their lives. So when we took them to their last day, they could get emotionally involved with their lives, before it is too late. Too many people wait till the are told they have 3 months to live, or the spouse walks out and never comes back, a child dies or gets sick, life long jobs are lost, someone is lost forever. So these deep emotional times define us and we decide to either "give up" or to make some changes. It is called the "deathbed" confession, "jail house religion". In our class we get them emotionally involved with their life by being outside their comfort zones and in a "scary" situation, the unknown. Then all of a sudden..."What if... it was over and I could never hug my kids, see my family, go to see my mom..." Voila... change starts happening. We get them focused on what is really important and they put together a road map of life. "What Do I want?... when it is all said and done… did it matter... that I lived in this body, taking up space, using these gifts and resources…did it matter one bit that I breathed the breath of life... I occupied space in this body; on this earth; at this time... What Did it matter? What difference did I make?"

So we get them emotionally involved. They are committed when they walk out the door of the classroom. They are a changed person, and in many ways they really are. Life hasn't really changed in 2.5 days, but the perception of reality and the possibilities... ah… that has changed, so thus has their "reality". They go home a changed person to a world that has not changed. The spouse had a typical weekend, the TV was typical, the kids acted the same way, the weekend was over before it really began… the same pattern as when class started on Friday night... the same pattern on Sunday at graduation… nothing has changed for those not in class.

So a changed person goes home to a person who had "been there done it", or, "not interested in all that crap". Life looks different to the new graduate. There is a heightened "sensory acuity", things look different, sound different, feel different… maybe even smell or taste different. All this excitement about a new life meets neutrality, status quo. Fortunately for some this is not the situation. For some as soon as they get back, their spouse, or those closest to them, trust them and want to go. If the most important team member in our life is our spouse, how could we not want our spouse to share in this incredible process? It would have been impossible to get through Leadership Awakening by ourselves, and yet some people go home and attempt to do the same thing. I believe that one of the best things we can do for any graduate is to put other graduates around them. The next time you get a chance, read some of the Forum posts from Michael Paulus, Chris Campbell, Russell Sylte, Brett Wassell… all those people that are responsible for sooo many starfish attending class. They will tell you what it has done for their experience every time someone goes through that is in their "circle of influence".

For those whose spouse or coworkers don’t trust them, whose most important people in their lives aren’t interested in their excitement, this causes friction. So this excited graduate goes home and hits the first major wall that they did not expect. That wall is called many different names, "Status Quo", "Doubt" , "Helpless/Hopeless", "Past"… So the excitement of the change needs to be put on the back burner to keep things… "ok" at home. The new graduate goes to work excited and nobody is interested in hearing about it ... All the sudden the experience becomes a memory. Disappointments set in, others aren’t interested in your excitement and happiness, you fall short on a commitment or two… you start beating yourself up… Crabs snap, and our old anchors hit, and walls start popping up, and someone lets us down... It is sad. It is sad that such high hope is allowed to dwindle in the slightest of challenges, because things don’t go the way "we" planned them.

This incredible experience becomes, a memory, a victorious one; nevertheless, a memory. So what is the answer? Use the tools, stay in the experience, keep doing what we were doing for those 2.5 days, and I don't mean project at people. The reason people "feel" the way the feel after class is because of what they "did" in class. All the activity and introspection created this hope-filled reality, which is "reality". We then go back home and "ride the wave", thinking that we are always going to fill this incredible excitement and passion for the simple things in life. This class is like love… of a sort.

Next to Team, Love is the most overused word in the English dictionary. Most people have no concept what Love really is. The problem with love is most people think it is a feeling. Love is not a feeling it is a verb. Love is a verb, it is doing. The Bible tells us men to love our wives as Christ loved the church. That love is sacrificial, doing something you don’t want to do… that is a basic definition of "sacrificial". Notice the word "doing". When you do for someone you "love", even when you don’t "feel" like it, that is truly love. Love is a verb it is not a feeling. Love is taking care of your parents that need to be cared for. Love is getting up in the middle of the night for the children, even when you are tired. Love is meeting your spouses needs even when you feel the need to get yours met. Love is being nice to that person that doesn’t deserve your niceness. Love is a verb, it is doing, it is not a feeling. Here is the clincher… when you "do" then you "feel". In Leadership Awakening the "feelings" weren’t there at the beginning. The feelings came later in the experience, after you have been "doing" things for a while. The feelings you left Leadership Awakening with were the byproduct of all the activities you did while in Leadership Awakening. So if you want to keep the feelings going… then you must continue to do what you did to get what you got...

Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Conversely it is "INSANE" to do something different and expect similar results. So in order to continue to feel the way you felt after class, you need to do what you did in order to get those feelings… after class. So how do you continue to "LIVE IT"? To keep being a "Leader Under Construction"?… Think about that for the next month. I will continue this article next month with some concrete ways to keep "LIVING IT".

I look forward to talking with you in August to help you with this part of your journey.

With Passion—HBS

Scott V. Black
The Empower U Leadership Team
July 2004

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