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Want It!

An excerpt from the new book, Becoming Your Dreams: Want It. Create It. Live It!

Enjoy this passage from Empower U's forthcoming book, Becoming Your Dreams: Want It. Create It. Live It!

If you like what you are about to read here, you can place your order and get your own copy today!

"What do you want?" You’ve been hearing that question ever since you were a little kid, wandering through the house calling for Mom.

Up until now, when someone has asked you what you want, their question may really have meant, "Why are you bothering me?" Or, "Get to the bottom line – can’t you see I’m busy?"

You’ve heard it when ordering food or drinks at a restaurant. You may have said it impatiently when asking a child to quickly decide what flavor ice cream cone to get while standing in line. Often, "what do you want" can mean, "Just choose something." Not this time.

What do you really want?

Right now, the real question I’m asking you has a lot more importance. We’re not talking about your decision based on a limited variety of choices – you need not choose from only "A," "B," or "C."

I’m asking, 'Tell me what you want, what you really, really want!'

I’m not asking you about your immediate needs or desires – what will satisfy you for the moment. I’m asking, "Tell me what you want, what you really, really want!" You can guess it’s not a trivial question. What you want is going to be the core of this book. And you’ll see how you can get it.

Not "how," but "why" In one of his seminars, my co-author Chris tells how Sears sold over a million quarter-inch drill bits last year to customers who didn’t even want to purchase a drill bit. What they really wanted was a quarter-inch hole – the drill bit was just a way to get it.

Drill bits really ask a "how" question. They tell how you intend to get a hole, but they offer no answer about why you want a hole in the first place. Even the hole isn’t really what you want when you buy a drill bit – the real question is, what are you planning to do with the hole once you have it?

Is it going to allow you to hang a picture frame? Will it make a pilot hole so you can screw two objects together? Are you looking for termites in your foundation? Do you want to drain water in a leaky ceiling? Are you replacing a wood-joining plug while repairing a chair? Getting rid of a rivet? Creating a design in the metal sides of a "pie safe"? Making space for a peephole in your front door?

So, when I ask you what you want, think in terms of why – not how or if it is possible to accomplish it.

Internal Motivators

Let’s not think about what you are willing to settle for, or what you think you need in order to solve a temporary, short-term desire. What we’re after is identifying your internal "why." For example, many people say they want more money, while what they really want is what they think the money will get for them. Their real why could be personal freedom, time with family, love, happiness, security, power, acknowledgment – one thing is sure: they’re not after stacks of green paper.

Sometimes, it’s easier to tell what you don’t want. 'I don’t want to be trapped in a dead-end job!' Or, 'I don’t want to live in fear of the future!' Or, 'I don’t want to eat brussels sprouts ever again in my life!'

Sometimes, it’s easier to tell what you don’t want. "I don’t want to be trapped in a dead-end job!" Or, "I don’t want to live in fear of the future!" Or, "I don’t want to eat brussels sprouts ever again in my life!" (Sorry, just a personal note…) It’s often true that we have to deal with the things we don’t want because we have not been clear enough about the things we do want. You may know more about what you wish to avoid than what you want to pursue.

What are you after? What do you want? Do you have an idea why you want it? What is your internal why? When you understand what you want and why getting it is so important to you, you’ll find yourself closer to getting it – and better prepared to handle it once it’s yours.

You’re about to participate in a "Leadership Awakening" exercise that helps our students identify what they really want. First, let’s take a look at why we’re doing it, so that you’ll understand where we’re headed. Then, you’ll be less likely to skip past it and miss its benefits to your life. (This is a distinct advantage for you, because we don’t provide reasons prior to doing things at "Leadership Awakening." Instead, we tell participants "all will be known in due time," and their sponsor asks them simply to "trust the process.")

The reason behind this exercise is that each of us has a "polite" List of What I Want. You began voicing yours tentatively ’way back when, as you learned about goals and needs. If no one threw their hands up in alarm and shrieked, "Oh, no! Not that!", you decided it was a good, safe thing to want. Over time it has become what you tell yourself and others, because it sounds good – but it may now have little impact on the real who, what, when, where, why and how of your life.

When you re-examine your wants, you may find that what you used to want is no longer big enough for the person you have become. In doing this inventory, you may discover a real want that is bigger than the person you are right now. Often, our students realize that what they truly want has little in common with the way they are living their lives.

Get out of your head So, what do you want? In our seminar setting, student "A" asks student "B," rapidly and repeatedly, "What do you want?" Student "B" rapdily responds, "I want…" and fills in the blanks. Before the words are complete, student "A" is demanding again, "What do you want?", and student "B" must respond with a totally different answer.

But before those words are finished, student "A" is again asking, "What do you want? What do you want?" And student "B" must give a totally different reply. Is "A" not listening to what "B" has been saying? No, not really. What "B" wants doesn’t depend on "A’s" approval – really, it’s none of "A’s" business what "B" wants! It shouldn’t matter to "A" at all right now. The real motivation in asking is that it matters to "B."

At first, What You Want comes from your polite list. It’s the safe, edited stuff. It’s like asking a beauty contestant about her dreams and hearing her respond, "Peace in our world…" No one is surprised, and the audience applauds lightly, but you know it isn’t so. She’s not a contestant for world peace. More honestly, peace would be nice, but she’s dreaming of fame, a publicity tour, and a Corvette!

At first, What You Want comes from your polite list. It’s the safe, edited stuff... Finally, everything boils down to what you really want, and for some, it’s a revelation.

Likewise, your real wants won’t come out on the first go-around… or on the second or third. Typically, we ask, "What do you want?" in 30-second bursts. And then we switch, so "B" asks and "A" answers. And we do it again and again. It’s mentally and physically exhausting as more and more of the "fluff" falls away.

Finally, everything boils down to what you really want, and for some, it’s a revelation. "Why did I say that?" Because it was in your heart, not in your head! Jesus said, "It is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). Yet most of us are not listening to our hearts. We are listening to our heads.

Most of our students are far too cerebral when they go through this exercise, so excuse that I fully expect you to be like them. You’ll need to get out of your head and into your heart to discover your real motivations. If you don’t struggle in this effort, you haven’t dug deep enough. If you’re not surprised as you respond, you’re still playing it safe in your head and not playing loose with your heart. (As you’ll see later, a great life is "born" in hot passion, not in cold reason. Trust this process!) So, challenge yourself as "Leadership Awakening" would challenge you. Don’t settle for your polite list anymore. Discover what you really want.

October 2002

If you've enjoyed this passage from the book, you'll love the whole thing! Own your very own copy of Becoming Your Dreams: Want It. Create It. Live It! by placing your order here...

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