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What’d You Say?

I would like for you to take a trip down memory lane…In our Leadership Awakening class we share with you one of the big secrets at Empower U.

On your first evening, near the end of your initial "Awakening", we told you the "big secret"… We don’t give you anything at Empower U. We simply get you acquainted, or re-acquainted, with those tools in your toolbox. We didn’t give you the tools, that was your creator’s doing.

In our "tool box" we have an incredible tool called language. Our words have such power on others, as well as, ourselves.

Words and magic were in the beginning one and the same thing, and even today words retain much of their magical power. By words one of us can give another greatest happiness or bring about utter despair, by words the teacher imparts his knowledge to the student; by words the orator sweeps his audience with him and determines its judgements and decisions. Words call forth emotions and are universally the means by which we influence our fellow creatures.

Sleight of Mouth

The right word at the right time can change someone’s life. The wrong word, at the right time, can destroy someone’s life- if they allow it to. In the study of communication we have learned that of the entire communication "pie", only 7% is a result of our words. In other words, basically, words are 7% of communication. 55% is body language (non-verbal), 38% is voice (qualities, tone, pace, volume, emotional…). Words carry such power. They elicit tears…of pain and of joy, they beckon us to memories of long ago and paint the canvas of our dreams of tomorrow. It is the words that we use that describe our experience. The only way for me to share my internal experience-externally… to you—is through the use of my language, my words.

Man has used words to carve the landscape of history. We need not look far, or expend much energy to see the incredible use of words as we created this history:

"Give me liberty or give me death", Patrick Henry’s commitment of the revolution!
"I have a dream …" Dr. Kings eternal cry of the human spirit.
The words, "I love you", from the mouth of the one you love more than any other.
The first time you said, "I Love You", to that special person.
The words all children want to hear from their parents – "I am proud of you".
Reciting the Pledge of allegiance… September 12, 2001!

How about the power of the written word? There is a story in the bible of a town hall meeting, of sorts, at the Mount of Olives in the temple courts, John 8:1-11, my paraphrase:

Jesus sat down to teach in the temple courts when the religious leaders brought to him a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. In that time, adultery was punishable by stoning. The leaders wanting to trap Jesus in a situation, that would allow them to arrest him, threw this woman at his feet. They told him of her crime and demanded, 'What shall we do with her?'

Christ bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. He straightened up and said, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

A little while later when the woman looked up, the area was cleared. There was no one left standing. A mob, a huge crowded, confined area, they had the scent of blood on their minds, and the bitter taste of righteousness in their mouth., Gone, dispersed…without incident or confrontation.

What could Jesus have written that would turn that type of crowd in an instant? The power of words…The right word at the right time can change someone’s life. The wrong word, at the right time, can destroy someone’s life—if they allow it to.

All of the accomplishments of the human race, both positive and negative, have involved the use of language. We as human beings use our language in two ways. We use it first of all to represent our experience – we call this activity reasoning, thinking, fantasy, rehearsing.

When we use language as a representational system, we create a model of our experience. This model of the world which we create by our representational use of language is based upon our perceptions of the world. Our perceptions are also partially determined by our model or representation.

…Secondly, we use our language to communicate our model or representation of the world to each other. When we use language to communicate, we call it talking, discussing, writing, lecturing, singing.

Sigmund Freud

The Magic Of Language

How well are you using this tool? Do you need to blow the dust off of this box? Need a little tune-up, a refresher course? I know I do! Let me give you a basic list of some things that I have found that work well, universally. They work sort of like a crescent wrench. They adjust to all situations and when used in conjunction with sincerity, they can build you the most incredible relationships you can imagine. When you add a teaspoon of emotional intelligence, you start building people…you start growing personally. Consider these messages:

I love you
I appreciate you/your effort.
Thank you.
How can I help?
I apologize; I will do better next time.
It was my fault, I will do what I can to make it right.

What would you add to this list? I challenge you to think of three or four of your own pre-set, verbal empowerment statements. Write them down on paper or 3X5 index cards, and carry them with you. Look for opportunities throughout the day to use them in a sincere way. See how it shines others pathways. Pay attention to the powerful effect it has on you. You can’t help but light your own path when you reach out to light someone else’s! Burn bright and choose well.

Words… One tool that we should all work to master. The right word at the right time can change someone’s life. The wrong word, at the right time, can destroy someone’s life- if they allow it to. How will you choose? Choose well!

With Passion-HBS

Scott V. Black
The Empower U Leadership Team
September 2002

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